Ernie: In our family, our eldest daughter Kim got to know the Focolare movement first when her future husband invited her in high school years to a Focolare youth meeting.

Rubi: After Kim got to know the movement, she really changed a lot. From a carefree person, she became more loving and concerned. She had already been helping with the household chores, like cleaning her room, the bathrooms, chores which the other kids didn’t really like to do. Now she was even more generous and helpful with paying the bills, and doing errands like buying medicines for my asthma. When Dianne, our youngest daughter joined the Movement, she practiced the art of loving by being the first one to love and do things for me. Through her obedience, I felt that she was really acting out of love. Thus, even if I was not yet fully involved in the Focolare, I became acquainted with the spirit of the movement.

Ernie: Like many male employees in the government and in the private sector, I also went out with the “boys” after office hours, and on weekends. I would tell my wife that I had overtime, unloading operations of rice or meeting visitors. Rarely did I spend time with my family. At night, Rubi would still be waiting up for me and we ended up not talking to each other. Sometimes we had verbal fights when she couldn’t contain herself and would remind and reproach me. This kind of relationship went on for 28 years.

Rubi: A very religious person, I went to Mass regularly. But in all those years I felt like an abandoned wife. I spent 28 years waiting for a miracle. I was constantly praying to God in the Adoration chapel, and my only request was for Ernie. I didn’t ask the Lord for more than what we needed. I didn’t ask for a cure for my asthma. I only asked Jesus that Ernie would stop drinking too much alcohol.

Ernie: I was also involved in a lot of vehicle accidents during the 1980s, but now I considered them part of life’s experiences. I would thank God briefly and after recovery, I would resume my “old” kind of life. Then Rubi started suffering from asthma attacks at night and she was often going to the hospital. I got used to her being sick. Rubi would often complain about my drinking and I would answer her back, telling her that there were others who were worse than I, but they were extremely successful – they had land, a house, a car, comforts and women. But for me, I was asking God just for a simple house, and he hadn’t given it to me in 28 years.

Rubi: Out of curiosity, I finally joined the movement because of Kim’s insistence in November 1998. It was only an hour-long meeting as usual, but it was really very enriching. Everything I heard filled up my soul and mind. Always in tears, I could feel Jesus begin to touch my whole being. Since I saw my daughter practicing the life of unity, I also started living it. I was slowly learning many things.

For instance, every time Ernie arrived home at night, I started to open the door for him with a smile, believing that it was Jesus in him who was standing before me, Jesus who was suffering in him. Then I loved him by serving him dinner and waiting for him barely saying any word. I really felt at peace deep within. That was really a breakthrough, for after 28 years I was now able to love Jesus in Ernie in a very concrete way. Also, when the children would ask for permission to go on a field trip or to do a project and stay overnight at a friend’s house or have other activities outside home, I had always been worried, feeling fearful and apprehensive about giving them permission. Oftentimes, even before they explained, I had already refused. Now I was learning to give up my ideas and attachments, to give in to what they were asking me and to entrust my worries to Jesus, asking him to take care of them, and watch over them. This gave me such peace of mind. Thus I discovered how my worries were often unfounded.

Ernie: It was then 1999, and I found it unusual that the three of them, my wife and my two children, had all become very kind to me. They would suddenly embrace me or give me a kiss, and ask me if they could do anything for me. They were the first to do the household chores, and they were not complaining about it, nor argue with me. Instead, I was always the one complaining to God.

Now that my family was all involved in the Movement, they would remind me: “Paps (Papa), present moment always. Because when you do the things that you are to do in the present moment with love, God will grant you the things you ask for in the future.” Rubi: When I started to really live the life of love and unity, I noticed that Ernie expected me to always be positive toward him in my words and actions. Often I would listen to him, but then there were other times where I felt like teasing him. There were moments when I would reprimand him, express my doubts, and at time say senseless things. Those times, Ernie had difficulty accepting my behavior. But I enjoyed doing it. When I behaved that way, my children would come to the rescue and ask me to stop whatever I was doing to Ernie. Then peace would ensue.

Ernie: I was really happy about the three of them, and eventually, I too joined the movement. The timing was perfect because there was a big event called Mariapolis in Antipolo, in the summer of 2001. Through that encounter, my mind opened up. I realized that if we wanted to respond to the commandment of Jesus, we had to do his will. Love was stirring in my heart and I gathered the strength to overcome my weaknesses.

Living the life of unity

Rubi: In loving, one learns to forget oneself, one’s concerns and principles, one’s wishes, and comforts. We must always be ready to keep the presence of Jesus in our midst in order to realize his words, “When two or three are gathered in my name there I am in their midst.” I was really happy when Ernie finally became involved in the Movement. Our days and nights became relatively peaceful. I had never imagined the results of trying to see and love Jesus in a drunken husband, and be the first one to love him. Feeling great remorse that I had abandoned him for 28 years, I felt I had to make up for all those wasted years.

Ernie: Since we were now living the Gospel of love and unity at home, I also learned to love my neighbor wherever I was. At the office, I often encountered hot-tempered co-workers who seemed not to care about their work. I began to try understanding them, especially those with marital problems, or those whose husbands were working abroad. So I didn’t pressure them when they were asked to sign vouchers or other documents.

Instead, I learned to love them and forget myself, in order to have Jesus always in our midst which would always leave me at peace.

Rubi: When Leenard, our only son, joined us in living the life of love and unity, our unity became even stronger in the family. Everyone was willing to lose, and we didn’t have many arguments. We were always ready to keep Jesus in our midst, ready to start again whenever we failed to love one another.

Ernie: I also discovered about discerning the will of God when faced with two good things like attending the birthday party of a relative, or attending a Focolare meeting. I understood that it’s better to choose that alternative which is more difficult to do, so as to be sure we are not doing our own will. If we like the party and we don’t like to attend the meeting, then better to choose the meeting. Or between watching TV instead of helping Rubi wash the clothes, I would choose the harder task, which was to do the laundry, because this was more difficult for me to do.

Rubi: Since we started living this way of love, always declaring that we wanted to keep Jesus in our midst every moment of the day, we have experienced many miracles. Chiara Lubich taught us to love without any strings attached, to be detached physically and emotionally, and to love Jesus in our neighbor – Jesus who has always loved us first even before we were born. Now that we and Ernie are the only ones at home and our children are grown up and far away from us, I really miss them, but it’s not like in the past when I would sink into melancholy. Now I can feel Jesus in the midst with them, even at a distance or far way, and I wouldn’t feel that they even left us, nor do I feel discouraged anymore.

Ernie: At last my wish and prayer to have a house and an additional multicab came true. The multi-cab has become a service car for Focolare activities in Palawan and our house, a center for the Movement’s meetings here in Palawan.

As Christians, God has given us the grace to love our neighbors. When we are able to do this, it will bear fruits, and bring us joy and peace. We are so thankful to Jesus for this life that he has given us and we will continue living it, with the grace of God, until the end of our lives.

Ernesto and Rubi Diao