Afraid of the YOUTH

More than asking a question, I just want to pour out my feelings. When I hear my parents or teachers talking about the “young people of today,” I really feel bad and I would like to cry out to them: “Don’t be scared! We are not monsters from Mars. You don’t have to be afraid of our way of doing things or communicating. Even if we use cellular phones more often and know how to navigate better on the Internet, we are not so different from you.” But I think that if I speak to them this way, they may be even more scared.
JC

Your long letter, from which I took but a few sentences, shows a desire to dialogue with the older generation. In fact, on one hand you say that it seems impossible to communicate, but on the other hand, you are putting your thoughts down in writing, aware that I will not be the only person to read them (as I belong to that generation), but also many others who gladly follow the dialogue that we carry on in this column about young people. The appeal not to be afraid of one another should often be repeated, because fear is an instinctive reaction that often barricades us from others and produces similar effects in them. Fear has so many aspects: closing oneself up, radicalization of one’s ideas and convictions, defensive attack, not listening to others, pessimism, sadness, self-pity, impossibility or inability to trust in others and in the future.

But how can we overcome this fear? It is by living life with a love that is open, giving and welcoming, active, optimistic, and with full availability, with joy and trust as we journey together with others.

In thedialogue among generations, the clash that has marked preceding generations has been replaced by an impasse, each side blocked by fears and indifference.

We should then take the initiative to reach out to the other generation without expecting anything in return; overcoming our fears and idleness believing that only in the relationship with every generation will we succeed in expressing ourselves, in offering the wealth that we possess, and in welcoming those riches that others surely carry with them. I am certain that among our readers, whether they are young people or not, there are so many people who are trying to grow along this journey. I wish you success with your parents and teachers!

Francesco Chatel

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NEVER been in love with my HUSBAND

I have been married for twenty years and we have three splendid children. Everything is normal, except for one thing—I have never been really in love with my husband. Nevertheless, he is a marvelous person in spite all of his defects.
M.R.

Thank you very much for this sincere and honest letter. Maybe you are going through an off period in your life, or you could be exhausted or depressed, which makes you see things from a negative perspective. But this will soon pass. Try not to think of what could have been or what should have happened in your life. That is all in the past, and you cannot change it. Besides, nothing good can come out it. It is better to face reality in the present where something can still done. Everything happens for a reason. Just accept everything that has happened, positive and negative, and move on with much courage, enthusiasm and renewed hope.

Do not dream or pine for a past that is no longer in your hands, but instead, why not commit yourself to living the present intensely? Focus on trying to love your husband and your children without any regrets which only saps away precious energy and prevents you from loving them fully. Try instead to savor and enjoy the simple joys and pleasures of daily life and cast off useless anxieties.

Society today pushes us towards individualistic fulfillment of self, selfish and useless goal. After all, the end of one’s life, one doesn’t wish to be remembered simply as someone who was able to acquire the most expensive and latest things who reached the highest point of his/her career. This individualistic culture of acquiring and having doesn’t consider those whom we live with or those near us. Such a selfish perspective is wrong because only in our giving ourselves with joy and fullness to those around us, especially those whom we love, can we find true fulfillment.

You have been married to your husband for twenty years. There must be many things that the two of you have built together through time. There should be many good qualities he possesses that attracted you to him, even enough to commit yourself to be with him for a lifetime. You could not have continued dissatisfied and totally unhappy for such a long time. Keep in mind that an ideal husband or a perfect man doesn’t exist as there is no perfect and ideal wife and woman. Even the most passionate relationships cannot last for twenty years, as all relationships must go through various stages to become stronger and more lasting. Those that do last are the truer and more concrete ones founded on love.

Many times, even if a relationship seems to be one way or only one of the two partners gives freely and generously of himself/herself, there maybe new possibilities for dialogue, for sharing concerns and values. This will make for a new experience, a kind of falling in love all over again, even after many years of married life. It is certainly a different kind of love from that of yesteryears which was so full of passion, but it is not necessarily less intense or less gratifying.

This way, even if, as you claim, you have never been in love with your husband, it doesn’t mean that you will remain so for the rest of your life. This sense of falling out of love is common in many marriages. It may be something that will keep on recurring depending on the circumstances in your and your husband’s lives at any given moment. But all it takes is for just one partner to do his/her part (as you both promised each other in your marital vows) to rekindle that spark of love. Constantly being generous in love cannot but be reciprocated. But you must be patient and faithful. The Gospel contains a valid promise for modern times: “Give and you will be given.” And God’s promises are always fulfilled.

Mary and Raymond Scott with Andrea Karla

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