With an OPEN HEART

“Impressed by the proposal made at a meeting for young people to always love those around us, I tried it at home and with my friends. Yet someone is not happy about my attitude and even criticizes me. Although tempted to give up, I still don’t want to make compromises. What should I do?”
G.P.

There are times when I too am in a situation where I know exactly what to do, and believe it is the right thing. Sometimes, I am not even aware that I’m looking out for my own interests, but I think I’m acting in the interests of everybody. However, despite my good intentions, things don’t always turn out as I expect. As a matter of fact, I even receive negative reactions and feedback; some people are indifferent, others even reject my proposals.

Eventually, I understood that more than what I did or didn’t do, what counted more was how I behaved. In fact, many times I was able to sincerely help others and was appreciated for it although there were still those who doubted my motives so the opposite effect was achieved.

Like you, I discovered how to love those around me. In loving, we should try to provoke a response from others. If the desired response does not come, let’s not give up or give in to compromises but instead, just continue loving. That means giving without expecting anything in return; giving what the other wishes and not that which is advantageous only to us. (Imagine what this gift would be?) It means to understand what the other truly likes; that which the other person is expecting… and remember to always give cheerfully because God loves a cheerful giver.

With this attitude, how you will ‘love’ those around you will no longer bother them but will actually touch the very core of their beings. But remember that you cannot please everyone. There will always be some who will criticize you. Do not be discouraged nor waver in your resolve to do good or perform “acts of love.” Just continue to accept the others with an open mind and heart. We should not only express love, but also be love personified. Putting ourselves in the others’ shoes is the perfect formula to make us understand how we are to deal with others.

Francis Chatel

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Test your SEX APPEAL

“The magazines and newspapers I have at home or come across in beauty salons often talk about eroticism, sexuality or a couples’ relationship as if they were some merchandise or commodity that can be easily acquired. There are even some low-grade, pseudo psychological tests that result from an erotic vision of life. Admittedly, these tests are really attractive and can deceive the reader... How can we protect ourselves from these things?”
A.G.

I recently got hold of one of those magazines you were referring to, complete with an attractive cover and glossy pages. It had all kinds of articles like how to measure one’s sex appeal; 100 suggestions on how to seduce someone; from fidelity to philandering with eros at table, etc. Some local tabloids also serve the same daily fare. A person answers letters from readers on problems of the heart, and often, emphasis is placed on the complexities of the philosophy of life, rather than facing and solving the problem, and helping the person in distress. Sometimes, certain articles even focus more on the problem and treat this as entertainment or sports; the resource person gives the answers authoritatively, shifting the attention of the readers away from a positive resolution while celebrating the misfortune of the hapless letter writer. But there are realities that must be faced in the proper manner: fidelity, separation, sexuality, etc., and these should not be instrumen-talized to provoke or overanalyze such deep existential feelings. Oftentimes, instead, these topics are introduced as if one were playing cards on the table, or they are trivialized and distorted.

How can we protect ourselves from this kind of marketing that is apparently for our happiness?

Aside from proposing that we not buy this kind of magazines, I encourage you to choose nice magazines with attractive covers (fortunately there are still many) and with good sense, especially for our children. It is important to inform, as well as to form them culturally, to help them realize how much sexuality combined with true and genuine selfless love can be fulfilling.

I know this is asking quite a lot of you, that of accompanying the younger generation in the discovery of their emotions, of their needs. It is a unique adventure to be with them in discovering their true selves, to help them find the answers to their personal questions. As a consequence, they will then discover and experience true liberty. To engage in sex outside marriage is always a contradiction to true liberty because such an attitude will always create the desire for new needs.

After all, so many products out on the market today merely respond to the demands and created needs of society. These perceived needs are like small mirrors from those big commercial manufacturers who are in business precisely to make profit for themselves alone. To illustrate: a man who does not propose marriage with a diamond ring is not a true man. Can it be that those in the jewelry business use this imagery to suggest an idea that has now lost its essential meaning? Rather than focusing on the essence of marriage, which binds two souls into one, the ad tries to deceive the public with the idea that a diamond ring is a necessary prerequisite and part of the marriage.

The right model is that of witnessing through facts and with words that the love between a man and a woman (with all its characteristics) is a marvelous reality. Man and woman must live with the selfless desire to give of themselves to one another, rather than to possess their partner for their own selfish interests.

Mary and Raymond Scotto
with Jenni Bulan

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