Love that makes US LIVE

Many times we can fall into the trap of thinking that a full life means: being without problems, having much money, and being healthy. Instead what makes us live a full life is…the Word. One can have so many problems, have no money, be gravely ill and still live a full life. The Word of life (is what) makes us live! This is my experience.

Last September 2007, I went for a routine medical examination. The result was a big blow that no one expected. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. An operation had to be done, the sooner the better, so as to remove a nodule, a small mass. I immediately told my husband and our children that in this experience, we should not lose hope, but keep faith, believing always that God loves us immensely. “He takes care of the birds of the air and of the lilies of the field. Aren’t we worth much more than these?” (Lk.12:27).This situation was something God had permitted to happen. We just had to believe in His plan of love, and gather the courage to accept His will. Of course there were tears of fear and anxiety. Everyone has heard horror stories about cancer, “the Big C”… But together we said our YES to God, casting our worries upon Him.

And so I had the operation last September 12. Awaiting the biopsy results filled us with suspense. Then the doctor came to share the findings with us: the nodule was malignant!

When the doctor left the room, I really cried because I had not been expecting it at all. I had been praying and hoping that it would not be malignant. I was almost sure God would grant my prayer. Instead the bad news came so fast. At first it seemed just like a bad dream, and then little by little, I realized the seriousness of it all. It meant I had to have another operation, a serious one. I felt like I was going through the agony in the garden, asking the Father—“Let this cup pass! And yet, not my will but your will be done” (Lk.22:42)

One of my friends in the Focolare consoled me, helping me say yes to this unexpected sickness as the will of God for me. The fear of the pain that I would have to face in the operation to follow became less. The thought that dominated my mind was that I wanted to continue to live longer. I still wanted to spend more years with my family and with the Focolare. I wanted to become healthy again. Yet there were many uncertainties in the operation to follow.

I understood that it was a moment for me to know how to lose and be detached. I was really grateful for the life of unity all these years which now helps me to appreciate the value of losing and being detached, and to consider my helplessness as a springboard to have a greater union with God like Jesus Forsaken, or like Mary Desolate at the foot of the cross. This helped me a lot to recognize the suffering face of Jesus Forsaken in my sickness and embrace Him, moving ahead and having the courage to face this sickness. To face suffering was not easy. Yet the love and unity of my family and of the Focolare helped me a lot to accept my painful situation.

I survived the operation but was informed that I had to undergo chemotherapy. It was a most physically harrowing and emotionally draining experience. There were moments that I couldn’t coordinate my movements well because of my pain and weakness. I had a hard time sleeping at night and I got tired easily. Before, an independent and a very active person, now I had to depend more on the people around me and I had to move slowly. Jesus was teaching me to be humble and to be patient.

I tried to face all of these challenges, reminding myself that it was an opportunity to deepen my love for Jesus who suffered even more on the cross.

Aside from this, one can imagine our huge hospital bill, and the steadily growing medical expenses that we were incurring. But indeed, God is never outdone in generosity. How true it is that Our Father in Heaven knows all that we need. Until now, I cannot fully understand how we managed. Providence poured out in such a way that we were somehow able to cover all the expenses.

Looking back on that experience, it was a heavy trial that could have crushed us, but with the grace of the Ideal of unity, it built up my character instead and made me realize the greatness of God and the tenderness of His Love. My personal relationship with Jesus has grown. Throughout this experience his presence has been so real and evident. He has helped me through, every step of the way. It was hard, it was tough, and it was painful. But He has always been there assuring me that “I will be with you always.” And His grace is what has sustained me.

Now, life for me has acquired a much richer meaning. I love to live. I live to love. Life is not just “not dying.” Life is lived, in Jesus who said, I am the Life…

Merlie Asprer

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The gift of new life

As a 35-year-old mother with 5 children ages 15, 10, 8, 6 and my youngest 1 year old, we live in a squatter area in a 4 square meter shanty. My husband is a taxi driver. We sleep on the floor and we have only one wooden chair in the house. We buy our water, use a gas lamp for light and live without a toilet in the house.

I thank God for having met Bukas Palad and having been invited to attend the Word of Life meeting in 2003 which has helped me in my daily life.

Before meeting Bukas Palad, I had many vices; I used to backbite and to gossip. I lied and I did not care for others. I and my husband quarreled, using harsh words with each other.

At the Word of Life meetings, I received the grace to understand that God has His way of revealing Himself to a person who wishes to love Him and to live His words.

In fact, He started to change my own life. Our neighbors noticed these changes in me and they also wanted to attend the Word of Life meetings. I saw how their lives too changed little by little. At present there are 110 people in my neighborhood who are trying to live the Words of Jesus.

Last February 2006, I was expecting my fifth child. With my husband, we thought that we could not give him a bright future so we decided on abortion.

But living the Word of Life and being helped and enlightened by my companions in Bukas Palad, I understood that what I was about to do was not right. I felt my hands “heavy” when the temptation to abort was strong, but I continued my pregnancy.

After going to confession, I started anew. Immediately after the delivery, I started to use the Natural Family Planning taught in Bukas Palad and I helped invite other mothers in my neighborhood to learn about it.

Now, when I wake up in the morning, my only desire is to do the will of God which is to love, especially in my family. Our relationship as husband and wife has also changed. As a family, we try to pray together before meals to thank God for the graces He sends us, and in the morning, for giving us a new day to love and to serve Him. I remember how once we were about to eat and my grade 1 child said: “Mamma, we have not yet prayed!”

I feel a great joy in my heart because I feel God so near us. How true it is that love bears fruit and I remember one of my neighbors saying: “Cristina, you have really changed.” I thanked that person and I was happy because it was a confirmation of what God has done in my life. I was not the Cristina of before, but now I am the Cristina renewed by the words of Jesus. He helps me live out the real meaning of my name because Cristina means another Christ.

Cristina Colina

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